Episode 59 – Dealing with Comparisonitis

The Difference between Comparing and Comparisonitis

When we compare ourselves with others, it can inspire us to do better, to recognise that a goal is achievable. At the same time, comparisonitis leads to negative emotions of jealousy and shame. It makes us want to give up because we aren’t good enough, and there’s no point trying. It results in us focusing on what we don’t have and makes us question our self-worth.

Counteracting Comparisonitis

Awareness of the issue is the first step to tackling the problem.

Recognise that most people have to put the work in before achieving success, even if you are not there to witness it.

Share your feelings with someone you trust.

Consider what’s essential in life — everyone will die.

Perhaps you are exactly where you need to be.

Try to get away from thinking with a scarcity mindset. Success is not a pie! It is not divided into finite pieces.

This Episode’s Question

Think about the last time you experience comparisonitis. How did it make you feel? How could you have done or thought things differently?

Episode 58 – The Fear of Success

‘As I interpret the Course, “our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.” We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.’ 

Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A COURSE IN MIRACLES, pp. 190–191.

It is not only the fear of failure that can affect us at a fundamental level, it can also be the fear of success. Our goals remain small when we are reluctant to embrace the change that would inevitably come with success.  Deep inside, we might believe that success is dangerous and our family and friends may worry that we won’t want to know them anymore if we become successful.

As with the fear of failure, understanding what drives you places you in control, allowing you to seek a balance that enhances your writing life. 

Does a fear of success show up in your life and if so, do you have any idea of where it comes from?

Mariëlle mentioned Elizabeth Gilbert in the podcast. The book Big Magic: How to Live a Creative Life and Let Go of Your Fear is widely available.